The Most Bittersweet Month

I don't even remember the last time I updated this blog which tells you we have been B.U.S.Y. We have had the most bittersweet month, I don't even know where to start.

Let's start with the sweet, shall we? Let me take you back to July 6th when I bought a 3 pack pregnancy test at Target (I always buy a multi-pack, hoping that ONE of them will someday show up positive). As soon as that pregnancy test told me I was pregnant I told Dan, IT'S A BOY!!!. He asked me how I knew and I told him I just did and I would lose my testimony of the gospel if it was a girl.

Thank heavens this little bambino is a boy because I REALLY love my testimony. We have been liking the name Walter and Simon, but after we saw the ultra sound we both thought those were both the wrong names. Sigh. Seems like anything goes with names these days so perhaps we will come up with something really clever like "Mount," "Tracquer," or "Turcoiz."

In other exciting news, the federal government deemed us SO poor that according to their rules and regulations to our re-payment plan, my new student loan payment is $11/ month. WAHOO! We wouldn't normally celebrate the delay of paying off debt, but when we get to the more bitter parts of the last couple of months you'll see why that is a huge blessing to us.

Let's cut to it. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 13 weeks. Thanks to my amazing genetics, auto-immune disease, age, and weight, my body hates what the placenta does during pregnancy and I have gestational diabetes. I don't mind the diet I have to follow and I don't really mind testing my blood sugar 4 times a day, but I do mind the cost of it all. WOW. Did you know that diabetes is a really expensive condition to have? It is. Don't get it.

My sweet Grandma Della passed away on October 12th and that was a bit of a surprise to all of us. She had health problems her whole life, but she always pulled through. She had a lung infection that came on quickly and within hours of receiving the news that she wasn't doing well, she had passed away.

My Grandma was the sweetest, most talented woman ever. It was amazing to learn more about her and to celebrate her life when we attended the funeral in Utah. My cousin-in-law Emily and I had the honor of singing some of her favorite songs. She loved music, she played the piano by ear, even after losing her hearing and having a cochlear implant to help her hear. We sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Till There Was You, and Edelweiss. It was a very special experience to sing for her.

While we were in Utah, we were spoiled by my cousins and Dan's parents. They spoiled us with good food, lots of laughter, a dance party, and some birthday presents. I really do have the best family in the world and I love them to pieces!

Two days before we left for Utah, our little Forte started walking kind of weird. We took him to the vet and thought maybe had fallen and bruised his spine. Our friend Amanda took good care of him while we were gone but by the time we came back, he was worse. We rushed him to the vet and they started him on anti-biotics and told us that if it was neurological damage due to an infection like toxoplamosis, he would recover in about a month but he would not likely recover 100%. The vet was concerned it was a congenital neurological disease that young kittens get, but it didn't hurt to treat it like it was an infection.

After a few days on antibiotics, it was clear the Forte was declining rapidly. The poor thing could hardly walk. He could take about 3-4 steps a few times a day, but when he wasn't able to walk, he would collapse and drag himself across the floor. He would get so tired and look at us like he was so sad he couldn't run and jump. It broke our hearts! He has always wanted to be right by our side, no matter what we are doing, and he would pull himself over to us because even until the very end, he wanted to be right next to us.

We sobbed multiple times a day as we watched him deteriorate. We just wanted to do the right thing for him. Initially, we thought doing the right thing was doing what we did- x-rays, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, soft food, helping him get around, lots of love, etc.

We took him to the vet one more time and they said if it was an infection, it was the worst they had ever seen and he would never regain his ability to run and jump, even if he could fight the infection. We knew we needed to put him out of his misery. I've never seen Dan cry so hard in all of his life. He loved that little kitty more than anything. They were buddies! Forte would do ANYTHING to be by Dan's side. He would sit on him while he slept, cry when he left, cry outside the bathroom door, sit on his desk while he studied. They were best friends.

Forte loved me too and would sit on my desk all day long while I worked, and he would go under the covers at night and curl up in the crook of my legs and sleep there all night long. BUT. There was an extra special bond between Dan and Forte and neither one of us wanted to let him go, but we knew we had to.

The vets did an amazing job and made him so comfortable and made an imprint of his paw in clay with his name on it, and put him in a little kitty casket. Dan had prepared a spot for him in the backyard and we buried him with his favorite little toy that he played fetch with. We said a prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for the time we had with our special friend.

We're still having a difficult time letting go, particularly me. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, or my extra tender heart, but I am STRUGGLING!

Our family as so much to look forward to, but it's been a rough month for us. Thank heavens the federal government only wants $11 a month from us now for student loans because we've definitely had some unexpected expenses this month! It will be nice to recoup that over the next few months.

The thing we have learned through all of the pain and sadness, is that we always seemed to receive blessings to get us through the tough times. Whether it's the garbage bags full of maternity clothes given to us by a friend, the gift card for groceries sent by my parents, the drop in student loan payments, or the little bouquet of flowers that mysteriously ended up on our doorstep, we know that the Lord is aware of us and our needs. We know that He is blessing us through the kindness of others.

I plastered pictures of Forte all over facebook and I'm sure people are tired of living the Forte Saga via FB, but I couldn't help but add a few pictures here one more time.

Dan helping Forte out to the backyard to enjoy the crinkling leaves 

This was the morning of our ultra sound and Dan said that Forte is saying "I know what the baby is, but I'm not going to tell you!"

This is Forte helping us announce that we're having a boy!

Dan helping Forte eat once last dinner. Forte rarely moved from his red blanket the last few days 

I love this little guy!