I am about to enter the SAHM club and have had more mixed emotions about it than I expected. Dan has been eager to be the provider for a long time. I remember when we were engaged he expressed feeling a little bit of "why do you need me?" because I was older, very independent, and had been on my own for so long. I assured him that I wasn't marrying him for financial security or to be "taken care of" but because I loved him and needed him for many other reasons besides a man to pay my bills!
Well, I guess I am eating my words because now I TOTALLY need him for financial security, to pay OUR bills, and to take care of us. When we were transient, my "excessive" (his words not mine) amounts of holiday decor drove him nuts! He finally gave me one box and told me I could keep whatever would fit in one box. Whenever I came home from a night of window shopping, he reminded me that one day, he would give me the freedom to decorate as much as I wanted and to buy as many dang holiday decorations as I wanted! He has wanted to do this for years.
The time has come my lover-face, the time has come! I'm ready to steal his chase debit card right out of his wallet so I can finally feel I'm spending my man's hard earned money. I mean, I have my own chase debit card, but it will feel much better stealing his :)
I worked my tail off building a studio of 40 amazing piano students and then we decided to move on from that because our family needed health insurance and less stressful job. Thanks to my amazing childhood BFF who I had recently reconnected with, I landed a job that provided just that- health insurance, stability, and the opportunity to work from home. It was a sacrifice, but we received the things we needed more even if I didn't enjoy that kind of work near as much as teaching.
Dan has made plenty of sacrifices of his own the past few years. He has spent the majority of his life studying for the past few years. He has never complained about me working and my modest salary. He has been nothing but grateful for my contributions to our family. I feel the same about him. He cleans, does laundry, manages our budget, takes amazing care of Simon, cooks dinner, and keeps the Anderson household afloat!
Once he got his job, he couldn't wait to step into the provider role and start slaying dragons for our little family. I resisted quitting my job right away for many reasons, but we both learned a valuable lesson about what happens in your home when you're ignoring promptings and having more fear than faith. I had a strong feeling several weeks ago that I needed to be home with Simon. I privately cried about it several times before I confessed to Dan what I was feeling.
This job may have had its ups and downs for me, but it meant more to me than I realized. It took care of our family. It built my confidence in my ability to provide for us financially. It brought amazing friends into my life that I will keep for a lifetime. It gave me so much appreciation for struggling adults just trying to improve their lives by going back to school. It taught me to have more compassion and understanding for people. It made me realize just how many other people out there have felt like "failures" in life at one point or another.
I wanted to hang on to it, but I knew that I wanted to be home with Simon more. I thought I would keep my job until August or September. Dan had a different plan.
We had been missing the harmony in our home that we usually have for several weeks. We went through some unexpected ups and downs as we struggled to navigate how to
I can honestly say that motherhood has not been a shock to me. I have easily transitioned into motherhood and have honestly loved every second of it. I will confess that I wasn't prepared to feel so grumpy and sensitive towards my sweet husband. Sorry Dan. No one told me that the relationship between husband and wife requires a different kind of work when you become parents.
Dan fasted and prayed about what we should do with my job. His job didn't start until July 14th but our arrangement of him taking care of Simon full time on top of trying to study for the NCLEX was NOT working out. It's hard to describe exactly why it wasn't working out, but it just wasn't. I was afraid to quit for fear something would go wrong with Dan's job, our insurance, his NCLEX, or some kind of emergency.
He told me he felt strongly that my last day should be June 20th. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to keep my job, but I also wanted to be home with Simon. I decided to take a leap of faith and trust that all the hard work that he had put into everything would pay off and that we would be taken care of. I decided to trust his wisdom and his role as the Priesthood leader of our home. I took off my bossy pants and quit my job the next day.
A week after giving my two-weeks notice, Dan received word that all his paperwork had gone through, we were officially on his insurance, and he would be starting his job the Monday after I quit and then go through orientation as planned in July.
I am so grateful that Dan has been doing his part to pray about our family and what we need to do. I believe that husbands and wives should always be partners, but as we talked, he constantly referenced The Proclamation to the Family and expressed his testimony of children needing their mothers and fathers needing to be providers.
I had just given a lesson in Relief Society back in March that focused 100% on that proclamation and I knew that he was following this wise counsel with faith. I know that the proclamation is the "ideal" model that we should follow but it doesn't mean everyone is able to follow that counsel due to personal circumstances (which is also stated in the proclamation). I know everyone has to decide for their own family how to balance everything and I am grateful that Dan and I are able to work together to give me the opportunity to stay at home.
Since quitting, we have started to have the harmony back in our home that I have missed. Things just feel "right" and as they should be. I wanted to write the details of this experience because it has built my faith and I want to remember the pattern of the Lord and how he communicates with us. I learned that I need to trust the promptings I have and then ACT in faith. When we ignore those promptings, we start to let doubt, fear, anger, and frustration creep in and those feelings don't come from the Lord.
I have one more week of work and I want to make it the best week I have ever worked. I know it will be hard to leave behind such a wonderful group of friends, but there really isn't any better place for me to use my talents, love, enthusiasm, and influence than in our home. I look forward to spending all day with this little nugget!
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| Better watch out Dan, MOBE scouts are going to be hittin you up to be their next model! |
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| Pretty sure Dan is rocking this thing with the baby facing the wrong way, but Simon sure doesn't seem to mind! |
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| I'm 3 months! |
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| Please notice the fat roll developing on the upper thighs, and the little bit of wrist fat |
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| Such a joyful little baby |
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| Two dimples possibly? |
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| Mommy's Little Man is patiently waiting for me to stop taking his picture |
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| My two favorite guys, both obviously not looking super stoked to be getting their picture taken |
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| Simon LAUGHED for the first time moments before I took this picture |
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| Please notice the "wetness indicator" has been activated :) |
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| Oh, such a cute little guy |
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| Mommy, I laughed so hard that I spit up a little, thanks for the bib! |
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| I love his little facial expressions, they already say so much about his personality! |
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| This picture was taken by Dan, and it totally cracks me up because Charlie really does think he is the king of our house! |
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| This might be my favorite picture ever, when I look at it, I kind of see a facial expression I make all the time |
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| oh, night night everyone! Stretching out with scratch-protectors! |
I love this!
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